Positive Strokes

Every action of a human being calls for a reaction, either in the form of a comment or a compliment. Since man (also woman) is a social being, human interactions play a vital role in the growth of an individual. The growth process (personality growth) starts from the childhood of a person.



According to child psychiatrists, kids need to be nurtured in a positive way. Dismissing them off and admonishing for small mistakes makes them develop a complex and makes them grow as individuals with lack of self confidence.When a child comes up with a smart piece of action, draws a small picture, sings a song or a rhyme, he/she needs to be appreciated and encouraged. This boosts their confidence and paves the way for healthy growth.

Likewise, when children are learning to climb the steps and walk, they have to be guided to be safe but at the same time should be given the right amount of freedom to practice and master the activity which builds self confidence. Their small achievements need to be celebrated with a round of applause. This will work as a catalyst for better results in an incredible way in the future.


The same approach is to be adopted between couples (husband and wife), at the work place, in schools, colleges etc. We all crave attention and appreciation for our achievements and accomplishments. The boss needs to pat on the back of his subordinates and colleagues when they achieve something (e.g. Target).

Hence positive strokes are the confidence boosters in individuals and dictate the course of their growth path, as career seekers and individuals. But at the same time, discipline need not be sacrificed. If somebody commits a mistake, they need to be cautioned and alerted in a polite and courteous way in order to make them realize the mistakes and learn from them.

We all would love some pat on the back from time to time.... right??

of course natural....

I go back in time if some of the things waft through the breeze....I love to sit and do some idle chat when it rains... smelling the rain and sand. Even today I get transported to those times when I used to spend my time with my cousins at either my grandmother's or uncle's doing nothing. Just play with all of them. Stupid fights, joining groups and then compromises. Movies in the nearest theatre with popcorn and sometimes icecream with a word of caution everytime, வேண்டாம்! சளி பிடிச்சுக்கும் , அப்புறம் உங்கம்மா திட்டுவா!! which would cost 30Rs maximum if the 5 of us go. And now??? Can you imagine that, at chennai going to a multiplex for a movie and popcorn during the intervals burn a hole in your pocket?



Sharing between almost a dozen of us seemed so good, so right and so natural at that time...



பாட்டி's extra affection for her only grandson, our reaction, at 10 or so... ! அவனும் பொண்ணாவே பொறந்திருக்க கூடாதா?? now we just think back and laugh at our stupid thoughts...



When I think of that unconditional moments, I wish I could stay 10 forever, enjoying the innocence the age gives you.



I am sure most of us, tamilians have manythings in common like these...

As soon as you hear a thunder and see a lightning, then boom, the power's gone in a jiffy. Then we take a candle or a chimni and start doing the homework or study for our exams, with the frogs singing (croaking..of course, I didn't want to hurt the frog's feelings)in the background. It was only during power cuts we will search for something and as soon as we find it spending the whole hour searching in the semi-darkness, then the tubelight would start blinking. Yeah...power is back... Then of course, you curse the electricity board... கடன்காரன் ஏன் தான் இப்படி கரண்ட கட் பண்றானோ.. sometimes the heartwarming and obviously stomach filling நிலா சோறு ...



Not a day goes without longing for a sip of அம்மா 's coffee for the cappucino lovers... now you just heave a sigh at the sight of the coffee machines at the office (this is for the ITians)...



It goes without saying that how we long for those வடாம் and ஊறுகாய் from பாட்டி வீடு. Ah! the taste of பாட்டி வீட்டு அவியல் is heaven!! even ரசம் சாதம் with அப்பளம், when all the cousins eat together, we call it கை சோறு .. hmmm.. I can't seem to go on..



But here are as many self-explanatory stuff.. mangoes and watermelons in summer (always fighting for the bigger slices), deepavali special oil-baths and get-togethers, special blessings from elders with 10 Rs on occasions like deepavali or birthdays, lying on அம்மா 's lap, listening to the tittle-tattle of அம்மா and பாட்டி , dressing in அம்மா 's/அப்பா 's clothes and looking at the mirror (when will I grow big??), often being told பெரிய மனுஷன் மாதிரி பேசாத...



We all would eagerly await the summer holidays for all they were real celebrations...



But everybody is grown up now, flown out of the nest, living their very own life. But there is nothing like being a little girl or a boy again, isn't it?

Getting nostalgic...

There was this girl, who thought that her childhood was not so great when she grew up... Typical working class, her father never gave up, her mother always supported him on his ways. They made hard earned money, little by little. There were those regular grumbles from her and her sis, about how less their new clothes were and how many more the others had, how many places her friends go and how they never.. well, almost never indulge in those entertainments..

But, their years were very similar to that of most of the middle-class people. They fought their way up and have reached this place by hardwork. But there were those falls for her because of her illogical thoughts. She would say to herself, "my parents don't love me more; they ignore me". She, who was the princess of her school, who excelled in everything- curriculam and extra-curriculam, sports, started losing concentration and that was the start of her fall.

But she managed, barely managed to get good, well.. not so good marks and get into college.

Normal college life, only difference was that it was a girls college.. but our girl here is very outgoing and adventurous and came from co-ed schools. The college looked like a prison to her. She again had these i-am-ignored kind of thoughts and turned her attention towards NCC-her adventure loving spirit surfacing. She did good, but stopped trying hard during bad times, so not so fruitful. Back to college, she acquired a good job and had to clear all the exams before that fall. With the help and encouragement of a few good friends, she again managed to cross that barrier.. whew.. what an achievement!!

She landed up in Bangalore and thats where real life began for her... Now I am hapily married to the one my father chose and living some life....

Now if you ask me to go back and change anything, I wouldn't just want to do anything with my life, but may be be a little more helpful to people around, do something different to bring about a change in someone's life.

Once, I used to whine about almost everything. Of course not aloud. About my school, my Dad, my mom, the food on my plate, my books, my dresses, hmm.. what not? but mostly about other's expectations of me...


But today, I turn back to my early 23 years and I see that I have been a privileaged child. My father's strong upbringing, my mother's patience in handling me, the way she used to give-in at times. Punishments that confine me to refine me... the things that I used to resent now gives me the insight to many things in my life.


The key factor for this acceptance is the aftermath of my marrige. Most of the girls say "it will never be Mom's again!!". Although I second that, I would say many don't understand the worth of a father and mother until they see somebody very different, yet supposedly the one to share the better part of your days with... There is a saying in tamil, "மூத்தோர் சொல் வாக்கும் முதிர்ந்த நெல்லிக்கனியும் முன்னம் கசக்கும் பின்னர் இனிக்கும்" which means, Elder's words and ripe gooseberry first tastes bitter but is sweeter later, as in the phrase, "Every bitter thing is sweet, later" So do not hesitate to taste the bitter, as the sweet follows next.

I now think that I should not have given in to my baseless thoughts or doubts. I feel that I have not made the best out of the 23 years that can't be retracted by any chance. But now I have grown wise, or so to speak... I am learning as days go by...

But in all the reverence to my parents, this is something I have been meaning to reach out to people of my generation, "take the words of elders, they mean only good for u".



Do ya all guys and gals out there agree with me?